Hephaestus TV Live
by SarcasticFanatic
Summary: The Gods scheme, Mortals obey and chaos endures. The who, what and why of the reason why three teenagers entered a certain waterpark...and a Tunnel Of Love...


**Disclaimer:Haha**

**Thanks to my Beta, Mocha for saving me from myself**

**Hephaestus TV Live!**

_Morning, D DAY_

Hephaestus, the beloved god of Forgery and metalwork, smirked evilly. His scarred face had a surprisingly mischievous expression—one that could give Hermes a run for his money.

His plan was already at work—if the information he had gotten from his sources was correct, then the meeting tonight at Olympus was about to become a _lot_ more interesting.

He rubbed his hand and indulged himself in some maniacal laughter that would have done Hades proud—and probably given Hera some substance in her argument that he was "not a good influence and should have been killed."

With one last smirk, he ducked behind his door which was etched the Greek symbol, _eta_.

Aphrodite was happy.

No, correction, Aphrodite was delirious.

And why was that? Why, because she had gotten a bunch of flowers from a "secret admirer," which tended to give a shine to her mornings. Her beautiful ever-changing eyes gleamed, and her red lips parted to reveal teeth any orthodontist would cry with pleasure at seeing.

She had a plan.

No, no, no her plan was not your original know-it-all Athena plan. _Her _plans never backfired, and this one in particular wasn't even in the general vicinity of any kind of letdown.

She almost jumped up and down like a giddy schoolgirl. Ah, Aphrodite loved her job.

Ares was going to get very lucky tonight. Yes, the God of war was surprisingly cheerful for someone whose very basic reason for living had been banned internationally.

Why?

Well, let's just say many things would be settled before the night ended. Yes, siree.

And many (cough-Athena-cough) were going to eat their own words that even hinted that he was anything but utterly brilliant. So what if she could make strategies? _He _was the reason she could in the first place.

Ares smiled viciously, the sun glinting off his shades and highlighting the leather which had often been suspected for human flesh (which it was, reputations didn't make themselves, you know).

The god couldn't hide his glee—he was getting his revenge.

Zeus was suspicious.

Everything was going way too smoothly. Something was going to go wrong; he could feel it in the ichor that ran though his veins.

Something was going to happen.

_Afternoon, still D Day_

"Ah, Love…?" Ares tentatively asked his girlfriend of 3000 years—funny that even after so long, one can never be fully certain with women's reactions.

Aphrodite looked at him from under her long lashes, raising a luscious eyebrow that said "What?"

Ares, the infamous ruthless god of violent games, winced and said, "Not that I mind but why are we not going into the Tunnel Of Love?"

Aphrodite raised her eyes to the heavens; the guy was hot but as dim as a fused out light bulb.

"Listen hun, as much as I want to go in there… I want you to help me with something. Will you do that? Yes?" She asked as if trying to convince a small boy to run back to his mother.

Ares puffed out his chest and grinned. "Sure love, what do ya need done?"

Aphrodite resisted the urge to giggle—men were brilliant but their pride and ego was _so_ predictable. "Well, you know that kid that Poseidon just claimed?"

Ares frowned, not expecting their conversation to take that turn, but he nodded.

Aphrodite then said "Okay, and do you remember Athena's kid?"

Ares rolled his eyes. "She has so many, not surprising considering that they're all figments of her imagination." He proceeded to laugh at his own joke.

Whatever rocks your boat, Ares.

Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "Yes, well anyways. They are on a quest together. And they are so CUTE!" She ended in a high-pitched squeal.

Ares looked like she'd just tried to explain some confusing algebraic formula. So Aphrodite elaborated. Men, so clueless.

"Remember Romeo and Juliet? And how they were like the perfect couple?"

Ares grinned, "Yeah, and then we killed them."

Aphrodite sighed dramatically. "It was a tragic love story… it's beautiful, not at all amusing. Anyways, I have like the perfect plan to get the two together."

"Romeo and Juliet? Man, they fighting again?"

Aphrodite, though perceived worldwide as gentle and lady-like, had to resist the urge to strangle the war god in ways that would have horrified even Kronos.

"No, Athena's kid and Poseidon's boy," she explained impatiently.

Ares then nodded in deep understanding as if someone had asked him to explain the significance of the Geneva Conventions.

Aphrodite sighed and said, "You know what, never mind—let's just go into that spider infested tunnel."

Ares brightened, and with a hand on her waist guiding her to the dingy boat he hopped on. The boat started moving with a wave of his hand, and Aphrodite settled against him. However, noticing Ares reach for the shield that he had so carelessly left wedged in the corner of the boat, Aphrodite spotted a symbol carved on it.

"Leave the stupid thing alone and move away!" she instructed.

"Huh? Why? Do you know how much that shield is worth?"

"I don't _care _how much it's worth! This is a trap! How did you not see that sign?" She pointed at the faint _eta _scratched in the corner. Ares paled, remembering the laughing, pointing and teasing that had followed his seductions a long time before.

He grabbed Aphrodite and ran, leaving his shield.

They both ran like two teenagers fleeing form their parents after a drunken night, that's how fast they fled.

When they reached the gates, Aphrodite smiled viciously—the expression so foreign in her face it looked unnatural.

Aphrodite rocked back and forth on her heels. "Ares, I have a new plan."

Hephaestus smiled, for someone who limped he was going top win a great victory over the "god of fitness."

Life was good!

Zeus was currently being screamed at by his wife Hera.

The conversation was completely unrelated to the topic in discussion, so let's not continue under this banner (you see if we hadn't included him—he would have been pissed!)

_Night, The Reason Why D-Day Is Called D-Day_

"She likes bikers."

"Whatever."

"Hephaestus knows?"

"Oh, sure. He caught them together once. I mean, literally caught them, in a golden net, and invited all the gods to come and laugh at them. Hephaestus is always trying to embarrass them. That's why they meet in out-of-the-way places, like… well, like that!"

All the gods of Olympus stood as the Lord of the Sky walked into the room.

Ares smiled, Aphrodite and Hephaestus smirked, and Zeus scowled.

This would be fun.

"Sure. But what could go wrong?"

"I don't know. Just a feeling. Annabeth, come with me—"

"Are you kidding?"

"What's the problem now?"

"Me, go with you to the… the 'Thrill Ride of Love?' How embarrassing is that? What if somebody saw me?"

"Who's going to see you?"

"Fine, I'll do it myself."

Zeus opened his mouth, about to give a speech about the evils of thievery and the goriness of revenge.

"Um, yeah, hi. May I be excused?" a voice piped up, accompanied by a hand which belonged to Ares, the god of war.

Zeus's eyebrow rose dangerously high.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, may I be excused too, father?" Aphrodite asked. She never called him 'father' unless she wanted something.

A vein popped in Zeus's forehead. The meetings weren't compulsory, and nor were the issues formally discussed. But well… Zeus needed anger management.

Hephaestus smirked, guessing what they were going to do.

When Zeus stiffly nodded after sometime (might not have happened if he had his bolt), he waved his hand subtly and when they left the room huge screens rose, framed golden (they were very rich – being the only channel that entertained gods).

Athena's eyebrows rose.

Apollo grinned and set down his iPod; Artemis groaned, not wishing to see fiasco of a seduction; Poseidon leaned and crossed his feet, relaxed; Zeus's shoulders slumped—now he would never get to give his speech and frighten the ocean out of his brother.

But the minute the TV flicked on, all the gods were met for a sight none of them had prepared for.

Two twelve-year-olds were cruising the Tunnel of Love.

One had serious gray eyes and blonde hair while the other had jet black hair and ocean green eyes. A striking couple indeed.

However, Artemis shrieked in indignation. "Now girls _that_ young are necking members of the opposite gender?"

It was clear to all she was dismayed; Apollo, however, rolled his eyes. "They don't call it _necking_ anymore, sis. Come on, say it—"

However, Apollo's instructive lecture was interrupted by a shriek which was emitted from the screen. **"SPIDERS!"**

It was then that Lady Athena fully got a glimpse at the girl that was playing a part in the entertainment.

She gasped, "Annabeth!"

Upon hearing the goddess's words, everyone else looked more closely at the blonde figure who was clearly a daughter of Athena.

Poseidon, needless to say was at a lack of words, he had seen his son—sure—but, well... he hadn't expected to see him with a girl in a tunnel guarded by Cupid statues. It was a bit too much information than needed for father-son bonding. What was he doing? He should be looking for the lighting bolt!

His interesting thought process was interrupted by a certain goddess's scream. "Poseidon, tell your son to get his hands off my daughter before I rip them out of his sockets!"

This was enough to get him out of this reverie and he said, "You will no such thing, Athena."

Apollo kept on trying to explain to his sister the ways of the world while she kept trying to avoid him. Hephaestus sat with his mouth open and gaping.

Hera and the remaining goddesses sat bewitched, watching the scene play out before them.

"Stop all this at once!" Zeus thundered.

Everything quieted. In midst of all this, Aphrodite slipped in. Everyone looked at her, and she pretended to look confused for a moment. Their expressions all said one thing: _"What?"_

She then smiled, "I'm not stupid, you know." She ignored Athena's snort of disbelief, and sat primly on her throne.

Athena started forward. "Listen here, I don't know how, but I know that you are responsible for my daughter being there and if—"

"Oh, shut it, Blondie." Aphrodite was obviously pissed and ready for a cat fight.

Athena was incensed.

Apollo was having the time of his life.

Zeus was having a headache.

Hephaestus was facing the earth-shattering truth that his wife was not as dumb as she looked.

Poseidon was having trouble believing that his son was willingly wrapping his arms around Athena's spawn.

Artemis was near to hyperventilating. Another potential huntress gone.

The others chanted, looking fixed at the screen which the others were only paying half mind to.

"They are so _cute_!" Hera declared and was agreed with. The other gods looked back at the screen which was paused for them.

"Oh, for heavens sake!" Athena cried, irritated. "Play it!"

Television sets of Olympus pause whenever a person isn't paying attention, while playing for those who do.

Right now, the scene was displayed to all—a life size image of a green eyed boy with his arms wrapped around a blonde gray eyed girl.

Unconsciously, many smiled. The scene continued.

"**Thirty, twenty nine..." A voice was heard.**

All looked at Hephaestus questioningly, who smiled sheepishly.

"I knew that as soon as they came to know that they were trapped they would try to break out, and I wanted to see them fluster. If it aired according to the countdown, they would get extra time to get out off the tray." No one asked who "they" were. It was obvious.

"So, I had secret cameras installed so I could get a preview, and they wouldn't know," he continued.

Athena, in spite of herself, was impressed. A decent looking wife comes into question and everyone becomes a strategist.

"**Fifteen, fourteen," the loudspeaker called.**

"Faster, you're running out of time!" Aphrodite shouted, almost unaware of what she was saying.

"Oh, he's my son, he can manage himself and some girl."

At this Athena raised her eyebrow, and mockingly said, "Uncle, I don't know where all this paternal love came from, considering that instead of doing the job you asked him to, he's attempting to fool around with my daughter."

Poseidon looked at her condescendingly. "And how do you know, my _dear _niece, that it wasn't _your_ daughter who lured _my_ son?" he said putting extra emphasis on the personal pronouns.

Athena scowled, ready for battle. "As if any daughter of the house of Athena would disgrace herself by throwing herself—"

Here she was cut off by Zeus who was very impatient, and shushed by the other gods and goddesses intent on seeing what was happening to the young demigods.

"**Grover!" Percy yelled. "Get into that booth! Find the 'on' switch!"**

"**But—"**

"**Do it!"**

"Is he crazy? That confirms it, Poseidon, your son is a whack job, like his old man," Hermes claimed, grinning.

Even the great god of the sea was at a loss as to why his offspring would try to switch on the ride. Maybe he still wanted to have the "Thrill ride of Love," he thought pathetically, desperate to prove to himself that his son wasn't, as Hermes had so articulately stated, "whacky."

"**Five, four—"**

**A satyr looked up at Percy hopelessly, raising his hands.**

"Nothing is happening," Aphrodite said, very much enjoying herself.

"—**three, two, one, **_**zero**_**!"**

**Water exploded out of the pipes. It roared into the pool, sweeping away the spiders. Percy pulled** **Annabeth into the seat next to him and fastened her seat belt just as the tidal wave slammed into the tiny boat, over the top, whisking the spiders away and dousing them completely, but not capsizing them. The boat turned, lifted in the flood, and spun in circles around the whirlpool.**

**The water was full of short-circuiting spiders, some of them smashing against the pool's concrete wall with such force they burst.**

Every one in Olympus was quiet.

No one spoke and then—

"Your son is AWESOME!" Apollo announced with a grin. This was enthusiastically echoed by Hermes.

Poseidon was glad to know that his son was now in the favor of several gods.

Athena seethed.

Hephaestus groaned. "It's all ruined."

Aphrodite clapped her hands.

**The boat rocketed into the dark.**

**Annabeth and Percy held on to each other tight, both of them screaming as the boat shot curls and hugged corners and took forty-five-degree plunges past pictures of Romeo and Juliet and a bunch of other Valentine's** **Day stuff.**

"Weak," Demeter said. "They don't get enough wheat. Shame."

Everyone collectively rolled their eyes.

"**Unfasten your seat belt," Percy said to Annabeth.**

"Are you crazy?" Athena screamed. Her worry was again voiced by her daughter.

"**Unless you want to get smashed to death." Percy strapped Ares's shield to his arm. "We're going to have to jump for it."**

"His ideas are insane," Apollo observed. "I like him."

"I don't understand," Hera said reluctantly. That was something you didn't hear every day coming from her.

**Annabeth seemed to understand, however. She gripped his hand as the gates got closer.**

"**On my mark," Percy said.**

"NO!" Athena screamed. "He'll get them killed."

"**No! On my mark!"**

"Much better." The goddess sighed with relief.

"**What?"**

"**Simple physics!" Annabeth yelled. "Force times the trajectory angle—"**

"**Fine," Percy shouted. "On **_**your **_**mark!"**

**She hesitated… hesitated… then yelled, "Now!"**

_**Crack!**_

Aphrodite closed her eyes, and when she heard noise confirming her hopes, she opened them again.

**Annabeth yelled, "Ouch!"**

Athena scowled.

"**You're too heavy!" the satyr from before said. "We're going down!"**

**They smashed into a photo-board, the satyr's head going straight into the hole where tourists** **would put their faces, pretending to be Noo-Noo the Friendly Whale. Annabeth and Percy tumbled to** **the ground, banged up but alive. Ares's shield was still on his arm.**

**Then Percy looked right at the cameras.**

Everyone in Olympus froze, feeling his penetrating green gaze on them.

Poseidon smiled sadly, it had been so long.

**"Show's over!" Percy said. "Thank you! Good night!"**

The lights turned off.

Everyone remained on their thrones, until finally Apollo said, "A full ten out of ten this time, Hephaestus. Brilliant work."

Hermes gave his praise, and all the while Hephaestus sat, befuddled.

Aphrodite smiled, and said, "See, all my plans work."

Athena looked at her with disbelief. "And _that_, exactly, was your plan?"

At that Aphrodite looked sheepish. "Does it even matter? It looks like I have a new love story to work on. See ya, Blondie." Ignoring Athena's and Poseidon's splutters of incredulousness, she fluttered out of the hall.

Hermes said, "Looks like her plan got screwed up. Again."

Athena smiled a bit at that. Aphrodite's plans never did turn out the way she'd expected.

Then, overhearing Poseidon's mutters about how he would strangle Aphrodite the first chance he got, she scowled and prepared herself for a battle worthy of Ares.

Zeus sat down, weary. It looked like his lighting bolt was never to return.

Everything was screwed.

Everything was normal at Olympus.


End file.
